I was reflecting back on my participation on Active Rain and the SIF Group - nine months have gone by since I posted my first blog and began to read what others were sharing. I know we don't always agree, but I was thinking about where I am today versus back then. What I realized is I really feel like there is this barrier I can't get past or won't be allowed past? I am not sure which - but it is frustrating, and to be truthful, a little hurtful. It is a glass ceiling in that you are led to believe we can all exist at the same "level" and together, only to find that you are pushed out of groups or invisible to those that you are hoping to connect with.
I read blogs from others where there is joking and kidding - and have joined in the fun banter - and am totally ignored. I am not even sure if the people doing this are aware they are doing it and it happens to others because I read their comments and see no acknowledgement either. It's like the kid who wants to join in a game of soccer and stands there ready to play, but never gets passed the ball. He is a great player, but is just never given the opportunity. How many people are being overlooked and passed over because of a lack of awareness or, and I hate to use the word, but "Groupiness" (is that even a word?).
I am not sure what it takes to break into one of these "groups" or to be acknowledged - but I try - as some of you might - and there is not even an acknowledgment of what I posted. It's like I am on the outside looking in - and I can participate to the extent that I want to contribute - but there is a clear barrier of, I don't know, you tell me. Distrust? Disdain? Disappear, please? It was to the point of when I created my "MEME" post I did not even bother to post it on the Stage It Forward group because I did not think anyone would care - and I did not want to sit "out there" with no one commenting on what made me "unique."
In one of my earlier blogs I suggested we start tracking stats on the AR site. I even put up a bunch of my own. Not one person wrote on the blog so I deleted it. No one wanted to contribute - and I was blown away. I shared about team building with some response - and yet what I found curious is others that have taken my business model and used it to build their own teams have posted info about team building and it's like they are the cat's meow and are praised for their ingenuity and spirit of sharing. When I shared - it was "Eh." I wrote a blog on ugly houses to add some levity to the blogs and none of you posted a house to play the game.
I don't want you to think that I am a lonely whiner - quite the contrary. My life is full and my involvement with Active Rain is something that waxes and wanes depending on my schedule. It's a small indulgence for me - to engage in when I have spare time. I know for some of you - it is a daily ritual and I don't have that luxury so you'll see me here in bursts of time. I am actually supposed to be packing suitcases for my children for our trip we leave on tomorrow - and instead I am writing this . . . But, it's nice to feel validated, and it makes me wonder if anyone else is finding it hard to break through the glass ceiling to be truly accepted and integrated into the blog site.
I know that I was not welcomed by some when I joined and some probably thought I was here as a mole and I have made myself visible and verbal when certain subjects crossed the line for me. Do I deserve some cold shoulders? Probably. But - others have crossed the line with their passion and commentary and I see them embraced and supported for their views while others are just "tolerated" (or ignored).
I have actually had some of you reach out to me privately and on my blogs too - which I very much appreciate - as it makes me feel like in some small way the gap is bridged for that moment, and then I am reminded again that I am under the glass in a clear way when I see how others interact on this site that is so vastly different than what I experience. Maybe you say it will take time - perhaps that is true. After all it's only been 9 months - and Rome was not built in a day.
Fortunately I get my kudos and props elsewhere - and am not relying solely on friendships forged on a blog site for my connection to Stagers in life - but it is a fun escape and a way to reach out to others that I enjoy. I think that it's important to think about this because if I am experiencing it, others may be as well. With thousands of people on the site - I know it may not be realistic to engage personally with everyone, but I feel that if someone takes the time to share a point on blog or to get to "know" you - the hand of courtesy should be extended back. Those of you reading this please be open to extending that friendship to others and exercise the art of inclusion - so that they too don't feel pushed away by a glass ceiling that belies a friendship that is not reality.
Jennie, I think ..in alot of ways you and I are alike. You are really passionate about staging. I think what happens is in electronic communication things become misconstrued.
I think you are like me, that you are really sensitive and you take things to heart because of your passion. I read a blog that I dont think was really meant to attack someone but it was taken personally. So what happens is that people back off. I really wanted to call you and say this. I still will, because things in print can take on different meanings. I really would like to talk to you.
It is comments like these that keep me from becoming active on this site.
Jennie - Unfortunately, I think many of us can relate with various parts of what you've written. I think the major difference being you belong to and speak up for an organization that you believe strongly in. In my mind the wheat should be able to be separated from the chaff though, meaning you as a person should be acknowledged and respected; I may not agree with everything you say (and I don't), but I expect the same is true of you with me. I believe it takes a certain degree of maturity to be able to respectfully disagree in writing or pick up the phone and discuss a difference in opinion.
Postings like Meme's and other's like it I don't put in Stage It Forward because I'm not sure it's really the forum for it. I can see why you thought it might be a good idea though, Jennie. It would allow folks to see a more personal side of you.
Active Rain is a huge platform. Head on out to explore the other puddles, you might find new friends with greater common values.
Jackie
Hi Jennie,
As you, I don't have as much time to spend on AR as others might. I decide which blogs to read based on whether I am familiar with the person, if they're new and I'd like to see a new voice, the subject of the blog, time I have, etc.
From a constructive criticism standpoint, I tend to skip past your blogs because your habit of typing your post titles in all caps has the effect of making me think you're shouting at me. I don't know if others feel the same way, but thought I'd put that out there. That's an internet-specific principle...all caps tend to mean shouting whereas a word in caps tends to mean emphasis.
Best wishes,
Veronica
Select Home Staging
www.selecthomestaging.com
Ok, I'm going to sound really lazy here...but you blogs tend to be quite long! Perhaps if you were more concise, your fellow-bloggers would take the time to understand your points. You have a lot of great ideas and passion for this industry...but most of us who blog tune in when we have a couple minutes here or there to read and comment. So keep on blogging!
Good morning all (well to almost all) - can't say good morning to someone who won't even sign their name but feels the need to blast me. Thanks for that. This blog was not an open invitation for you or anyone else to tear apart my character and once again helps to sort of prove the point. A lot of what that person wrote is not true, but I don't want to debate things.
And you totally missed the point of my blog - this is not about being able to share - I know anyone can share anything - I've read posts. This is not about the freedom to post. This was about inclusion. And you have proven yet again why people cannot expect to be included when there are those like you just waiting to jump on them. I got emails privately this morning - from those that refuse to post blogs out of fear of being attacked. Is that was SIF is all about?
The only comment I will address is this one that keeps circling out there about "true" stagers. First, SHC has the trademark on the word "stage" (not stager) - and no one has ever said others cannot call themselves Stagers. Get your facts straight. I already addressed this in other posts so am going to move on.
Those of you that took the attitude of caring about how someone might be feeling - thanks for that. As for the critic - go back to your hole and find someone else to criticize. You are doing nothing but trying to stir stuff up. My feelinngs are what I was sharing - and my hope that inclusion can happen - regardless of background or who we might work with/for, etc., or what "side" of things we may be on from time to time.
And Veronica - all caps - I was just trying to make things stand out - I've seen others do it - so it's like a TITLE - and then the content is there . . . so please do not think I am shouting a title - that is definitely not what I am doing, but it is worth considering.
- Jennie
Hi Susan,
When I have a lot to say the blog is long. When I don't the blog is short - just like others. I know it takes time to read the whole thing - so I appreciate people sticking with it - and I understand those that are just glancers too. - Jennie
Marci - I did not mean to not share back with what you wrote - and I appreciate your heartfelt comments. I'd love to talk - getting me on the phone can be a challenge, but I am always up for a conversation! Things can definitely get misconstrued via a post - sometimes. Other times it's very clear what the other person means to say.
My whole point of sharing how I feel after being on this site for a length of time is what I wrote above. It is not a criticism - it's an observation - and one that could change based on whether people want to invest emotional time getting to know another person, and at the very least acknowledging their participation in commentary, and their efforts to be part of the group.
And Jackie - thanks too for your words of wisdom and as you wrote I am more than just who I might be part of - and I have shared that so many times. If I speak out or up for a group or company, it is no different than what others do - and while they are embraced I am not - and whether anyone feels I 'deserve it or ask for it' (as the critic stated) it's good to remember we are dealing with people - not just posts.
What will be telling to me is how many of you will chastise the person that decided to leap upon the opportunity to rip into me - and let me know (and others) that this is not what SIF is about. If there is a glass ceiling, I will get little input from others, as in the past. If the glass ceiling does not exist, then I expect others to stand up for kindness - just like you have others come and support you when some meanie writes careless words about who you are - and does not even know you (or me).
- Jennie
Hi Jennie...I think its pretty cool that you "put yourself out there" and showed your vulnerability as a person. At least that was my take on your blog here. Sure we all want to be liked and we write to help our businesses as well as connect to others here on AR. I'm sorry you were blasted....I didn't see this as an opportunity to tell "Jennie" what we don't like about her.
I've been on AR for over a year now and this forum is no different than any others I've been involved with. It seems like people make connections with each other...will even give them a call and a great friendship begins. This is evident in the comments we see. Just as it takes time, effort, and consistency in building Realtor relationships...its like that here too.
Hey Jennie - I am going to be your big sister here for a moment, okay?
When I first started posting in AR I got my head chopped off for reasons I quickly resolved because I wanted to be a part of it all. It is like double dutch jump rope. If it is your turn to jump in and you get hit by the rope, don't complain about the rope, just jump back in until it stops hitting you and you are jumping rope.
Alright then...back to the game?
Teresa, Thanks for your comments and for understanding what I was "putting out there."
Marci - would love to talk - I am headed out of town with my family for the Thanksgiving holiday - but will have my cell with me. Not sure about reception where we are headed, but I'll sure make an effort to connect.
Big Sis - I like that. I was not asking about why people may jump or not - I guess I should clarify that the posts where I was not addressed (ignored) were not controversial ones. They were friendly, chatty ones with people that I had not jumped rope with - or chopped a head off with - just friendly banter. The other blogs where "issues" can get heated - I don't expect people to be best friends, but there should be an underlying level of mutual respect - of course that pertains to me as well I know. Thanks for your comments - I do appreciate your feedback.
I have to get my car packed. If my husband finds me on this blog one more time - he is going to be upset :-)......(hee hee) I will be able to get online (hopefullly) from where we are going - but if not - "I'll be back" (quoting the "Governator of Caleefornea") later this week....and of course will have my trust TREO with me. The only thing about the TREO - it does not make paragraph breaks so everything ends up in one big blog of text.
- Jennie
Rats, I just missed you. Did you hear your business phone ringing while you were typing? That was...wait for it...ME!
Have a great Thanksgiving holiday!
I am on the blog again - Shhhh - don't tell my husband - he ran out to gas up our car! I have some great voicemails from some of you - and I thank you for taking time to call - that is very great. And I will do my best to connect with you as well - via phone. I want to warn you - I sometimes have to hide in my bathroom with the door locked to escape my kids - and even then they could be pounding on the door (can a Girl please have a moment to herself?!)
Hey - I changed the title of the blog from caps to lower case - and I was not offended by that point being made at all (thanks Dane for sharing that with me via voicemail)- I had not considered that is how some perceive blogs and the text inside. I usually use them for emphasis or to call attention - but never for yelling our shouting at anyone.
Uh oh - he is BACK - I mean back!!!!! Gotta go!
- Jennie
I know Jennie...I am talking about this post. This post is like complaining about getting hit on the head.
I have over 200 hundred posts here in AR and some get 60 comments and some get one and if I am looking for comments and interaction then I learn how to get what I want by honing my skills... then proceed to get it. If I want friendships then I am friendly, if I want business, then I am business like, if I want to vent, then those that want to vent will vent with me. And if you have to go back to explain what your post was supposed to say or mean, then you are wanting to control.
A good way to build up your support team is to build them up. Go find and comment on those posts written by the people that you would like in your sphere...I have and that is where you will find what you are looking for.
Have a safe trip!
Sheron - can I just tell you...you could write an awesome blog post with that.
Jackie
Jennie- it's really not my role to "chastise" anyone on a blog - though I've seen it done, personally I disagree with it as I believe it leads to encouraging an even greater environment of disrespect. Rather, you hold a great deal of power in your possession, why not use it? It's called the delete button.
Jackie
Jennie...
I would have deleted that comment too, although I would hate to do it. But it needed to be done for it served NO purpose except to be mean. PERIOD.
But I got to admit when I saw the comment today on this post... my heart sank. These drive by comments do NOTHING but keep this industry small and petty.
Some people seem hell bent on keeping a wound open. There comes a time to move on... it is time.
I wish you and your family a restful and happy Thanksgiving.
Me
PS: There also is a setting in your AR profile that if you select it will keep Anonomus comments from being allowed to be posted.
Hi All,
I appreciate the feedback and agree that it's time to move on -and my post was more about ways to be included and feeling part of something. I did not know about the anonymous feature - and don't like having to "edit" people - but in this case, it was not something that needed to "hang" out there as it served no purpose.
Have a great Thanksgiving too!
- Jennie
Ok, I'll show how true this is by saying that I haven't even read all the comments here.... I have to agree with Susan when she said that your blogs tend to be long. When I have AR time - most of the time - it is only a few minutes between doing things and when I have to read A LOT then I just click back and move on. When I do comment I rarely read all the comments for the same reason.
I also would say, I please understand I am NOT ATTACKING YOU when I say this... but you do tend to be a bit defensive too. This keeps some people from responding. For instance: Permanent Lurker - I took them to mean that they lurk as oppose to comment or post themselves because they don't want to LOOK LIKE the kid who was not invited to the party but came anyway. You took it as they were attacking you.
I know I have personally commented on several of your posts and you tend to misconstrue my difference of opinion as a personal attack. When this happens to us, we tend to think twice before we comment & if we aren't going to comment, a lot of times we also don't read. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, angry or in any way unpleasant - but you asked and I'm being honest.
I think most of us really do want to get along and have everyone participate. I know I certainly do!
WHoo Hoo -- Sheron is REALLY being a HUGE B I G Sister --- doesn't get any better than that! Embrace it Jennie, you are in very good hands. Take your passion (which I love, BTW) and follow a leader!
Sheron, keep being my big sis, okay? You have cradled me since the beginning and I love you for that, big sis! Slight problem? AM I older than you?
Oh Jennie! I feel like that all the time on AR! But frankly I think AR just has gotten quite big where there are too many blogs being posted and we drown out each other's blogs. It's not that people don't respond to you, sometimes, people simply don't even see your posts because newer posts keep appearing and pushing yours down. ;( I do miss the old times where there were only a few people on here and everyone knew each other. It was much more intimate. But now there are a lot more stagers, it is also a great thing because we have more of a stronger voice ;)
HUGS & LOVE,
Cindy
Jennie, I have to let you in on a little online psychology... drama, emotions, friendships, rivalries --EVERYTHING is virtually heightened on a platform like this, so take it all with a grain of salt.
I really try to stay out of the fray with some of the debates on here, but there are some things about the industry I choose to speak about from time to time that may be controversial.
Hopefully, we will all truly be a voice together.
As far as feeling like you are not part of the group, SNAP OUT OF IT! This place would not be the same without you, and we need you here, you are well respected in the industry.
And truthfully, we all feel a little "ignored" from time to time, for heaven's sakes... I'm at 35,000 pts and have never been Mem'ed! ha haha (but shhh! Don't tell, Im kinda busy this week)
Julianna
Jeannie,
I think you have to remember that in general, the internet is an impersonal forum. Unless you know someone personally, they can be anyone they want in this format. Some people are better with the written word while others are much more effective in person. I've heard you speak, and you were awesome! Some of the author's posts I get the most out of and love reading might not be very effective if they were to present them live. Also, for the longest time, I didn't know you were expected to respond to the posts on your blog! I thought those that did knew the people personally! I can be a little slow. . . . Keep contributing--we all have something to say!
Kim Dillon, Creative Eye Home Staging
Hi Jennie!
Sending you HUGS and wishes for a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Your presence on Stage It Forward is always needed - Sometimes being alone is hard - but we have done harder things (smile)!
Margaret
PS - Santa rides alone!
graphic: stemberry (might be good with chocolate)!
Hi All - thanks for your feedback - appreciate your understanding. I am not here to be defensive and hope that when I stand up for an opposing view I am not defensive - rather just sharing an opposing viewpoint - as many do on this site. And for length of posts - what can I say? I have a lot to say - sometimes. I know it can be a lot to wade through - I see lots of lengthy posts. I guess the key is to put the really important "stuff" up front - so that you get the idea of the post with ease, right?
And I don't expect everyone to ready my blogs - what I do hope is that if someone posts to a blog with a comment or tries to get "in on" a group, they will be welcomed versus overlooked. I have decided people are not being purposely ignored - but they may be getting overlooked. Unless I am not on the site to see what you are sharing on one of my postss - I do write back and acknowledge interaction. That is all I am hoping for. . . .and yet I understand not everyone is like me -and some have sporadic time on here.
Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Melissa, And you SO need to be memed. I say bring it on girl! :-) perhaps at 40K you can just meme yourself with no apologies. New rule.
Hi Jennie - I hope that you can tell by all the responses that AR is not as clicky as Junior High. When I first started getting "active" here.... I did feel like an "outsider," but I figured that most people felt that way when they first started. I ignored that feeling and just pretended I was in the "cool group" and slowly, people have become very familiar.
I try to read your posts when I see them, but to be honest, I read them because I know you personally and like you. If they weren't posted by you.... I might not read some of them because they are quite long. When I'm going over other people's posts.... I'll admit it..... I tend to stay away from the really long ones. And part of the problem with the longer posts is that people tend to "scan" them and not take in everything and therefore misinterpretation can easily take place.
Hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful!!
I think maybe the meme comments should make Jennie feel a little better... (I hope)... while sometimes it seems we are on the inside of a click - we don't always feel like it. I sometimes look at the meme's and think to myself... 'how come no one ever meme's me' .... but then I go back to things as usual and realize when someone wants to know is when it will happen.
Memeing (is that a word?) myself is an option - maybe you should do that - I like things the old fashioned way and will wait until I'm asked.... it reminds me of Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion. There was always someone who felt inferior to someone else - in all clicks. It is the circle of life.
Melissa- hey, had I known you'd not been Meme'd, I'd have gotten ya'! :)
I think the lesson in that example is sometimes we just assume that everyone else is "on the inside" - excellent post and thread this is.
Jackie